consciouSynthesis

Follow me, mom

That little angel walking down the road is my son, kabamba; in a photo taken sometime in September 2009, the month he turned a year old. 

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I remember the day I first held him in my hands… at birth; when he could only afford a little glance and a smile …. and lots of crying. How time flies. 

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At the time of this writing, he is almost one and a half years old and in many was ways a grown up boy! He now holds his own opinion on many issues.   

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You should have been there to see for yourself, when I captured this photo; he was intent on going THAT direction. My wife thought that was the “wrong” direction; he didn’t. 

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As children grow, so does their individuality and with every day that passes, they become stronger in opinion and in their selfness. 

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This can be a very scary thing for most parents. It need not be like that; instead it must be a celebration of a growing consciousness. 

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a Conscious Life

From an Early Age Develop a Conscious Relationship with your Kids 

Children are conscious beings like you; as a parent, it is very important that from an early age you appreciate this basic truth and integrate it in your relationship with them. They have opinions, feelings and THEY ARE INDIVIDUALS. I am emphasizing the obvious because in our relationship with them we seem to overlook these things. 

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It is easy to recognize these things in a spouse or a fellow “adult”; in your kids however, you can easily overlook them. 

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I appreciate the reason this is so; it is largely because we have made the conclusion that we know better and that everything we do, even against the child’s will is in their best interest. 

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But many times we have taken on the extreme role of a parent; what we also need is to do, is spice that relationship with that of being (for lack of a better term) a friend and a colleague; and this is the hardest thing for a parent to do. A perfect balance results in what I call a conscious relationship with your kids. 

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Here are a few general guidelines to follow: 

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Value their Opinion and let them know you do 

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Value the opinion of your kids and let them know you do. You don’t have to agree with everything but even in times when you have to say “no”, your kids will be more appreciative if they know you generally value their opinions and take their view into consideration. 

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The best way to let your kids know that you value their opinion is to ask for their opinion; it doesn’t need to be anything serious; something commensurate with their age is enough. 

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Asking for their opinions even in little things like what’s the best time to go to the mall can go a long way in adding value to your relationship. Start doing this whilst they are young; instill in them the sense that their voice matters because it does!! 

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Ask for their Advice 

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This is in line with letting them know that their voice matters; ask them for advice and take it!! 

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Let your kids hear you say “I don’t Know”  

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There is a temptation for parents to want to have answers to all questions children ask; this tendency is so strong that many are forced to make up answers to the deeper questions of life. I have found an easy answer; I do this with children and older people alike. I gladly say “I don’t know”. 

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With your children, in matters where you have doubts, develop the habit of saying “I don’t know”, then ask them “what do you think?” 

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Don’t try to make up answers to the difficult questions of life; share your doubts about certain aspects of life and assure your kids that it is okay not to know everything about life; one can be happy even without having answers to everything. And allow them to think for themselves. 

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Next time your kids ask you why bad things happen to good people, don’t make up an answer; just say “I don’t know”! 

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Don’t project a false righteousness 

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At most, be human in your relationship with your kids; don’t project a perfection which is nonexistent. Celebrate being human and let your children know that the only thing we can do is to constantly seek to be better at being human. 

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Resist the urge to Command 

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Don’t boss your kids around; commandments are not fit for conscious beings. As your kids grow, develop a relationship in which obedience is not pushed down their throat; forced obedience or obedience by obligation does not add any value to any relationship. 

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This is the most difficult thing for a parent to do because you don’t even know where to draw the line; be guided by your heart. Seek to appeal to their intelligence (intellectual and emotional) along life’s path. 

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Specifics aside, here is a general rule for my idea of Conscious Parenting 

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Parenting is not all about “raising children”, it is also recognizing that as parents, we are in many ways also being “raised” by our kids; our children come into this world with many life lessons for us, if only we will humble ourselves and no longer be presumptuous. Kids are the little angels that walk the face of the earth; heed their voice. That is the guide to my idea of conscious parenting.